This post has been on my mind for quite some time. It's actually come up in conversation with multiple people, which usually means God is trying to tell me something.
I think that something is to urge me to teach my children about the importance of modesty.
We live in a hyper-visual society. Our faces are glued to screens 90% of the day - our work computer, our smart phones, our tablets, our televisions, our Facebooks, our Instagrams, our Twitters, our blogs, etc. Our minds are flooded with millions of visual images a day - charts and graphs, graphic news images, duckface portraits, advertisements for cheeseburgers, and viral videos.
I'll admit it - I am addicted. I post multiple times a day on Instagram. Photos of my children, my food, my dog, my shoes, and sometimes, myself. And I love Facebook. I try to paint an accurate picture of what life is like in the Parrish household.
But am I accurately painting a picture of myself too?
There is something about social media that boosts self-confidence. If I post a selfie, I measure my worth in "likes." Whoa! Ten people like my photo of myself holding my coffee cup! Fifteen people think my kid is really cute shoving spaghetti in her mouth! A whopping eighty-eight likes on JPs very first picture - must have done something right!
But there is also something about social media that allows people to be free of limitations. To hide behind an avatar to say things to strangers that they wouldn't say to their face. To post inappropriate photos in hopes of garnering more "likes" to measure against themselves. To send that photo that supposedly only lasts 10 seconds that they would never send to last forever. To create an alternate reality that lets them be someone else.
This is where girls fall in a web of tangled lies about their self-worth and lose all sense of themselves, just for a few clicks or thumb taps.
Brooke Allen, you are more than the word "like."
As you grow older, the monstrosity that has become social media will be even bigger and even more harmful. I'm scared for you.
So this is why we are starting to teach you modesty even at your young age.
Quite frankly, I am appalled at some of the clothes that are deemed acceptable being sold in stores and boutiques. Call me a prude or a goody two shoes or whathaveyou, but holy moley. Don't nobody want to see all that.
Oh wait, I take that back. There are plenty of people who want to see that. The boys in your class. The creepy old man down the street. The not-so-creepy man sitting in your church service. The guy you don't know cruising your Facebook pictures at home alone.
And most importantly, your future husband.
I have to fight my motherly urge sometimes to cover up girls' shoulders at church or to hand them a pair of pants that fit properly or to send them a message on Facebook that tells them their photos are inappropriate. I absolutely cringe at some of the homecoming/prom dress styles that are so fashionable. Legs, boobs, and backs - all in one! And skintight to boot! And don't even get me started on Halloween costumes.
Let's get one thing out of the way - no way, no how will this be allowed in or outside of our house. Not happening. Don't get the nerve to ask. Don't even get the nerve to think about it.
Clothes are a wonderful thing. I love clothes. I love to shop, I love to look at fashion magazines, I love to see what the latest trends are and incorporate them into my wardrobe. I love bright colors, classic shapes, and shiny accessories.
I love to shop with Your GiGi, and I hope this becomes a fun thing that you can enjoy with us. We like to take weekend trips to go shopping in Birmingham and Atlanta, and Black Friday is always one of our favorite days!
But you have to be mindful of what goes on your body. What you wear is a direct reflection of what's in your heart.
In Christian life, modesty is so important. There are several big reasons why:
1. Reserve yourself for your husband. Let your husband be the only person who gets to see that part of you. Even if it's your future husband. He will so appreciate that he is the only one special enough to be let in. Create a boundary that only he is allowed to cross - a boundary that begins with your shirt's neckline.
2. Respect other women's husbands. Erase that message of "leave a little something for the imagination." You should be leaving a LOT to the imagination. A mental picture is something you can't take back from someone. Don't even come close to the line that gives them the opportunity to begin to imagine.
3. Don't be a distraction. You might not think that your cute little spaghetti strap boutique dress is harmful. You may get lots of compliments on it from other girls. But your bare shoulders or lower thighs are just enough to be a stumbling block for the boys in your Sunday School class. Instead of hearing the message or listening to you sing in the choir, he's focused on your legs. And you may never know it.
4. Back to social media - stay away from the temptation to post suggestive photos online. Choose photos of you appropriately dressed with certain body parts covered or out of view. You don't need those "likes" to feel good about yourself. You also don't want people looking at those photos that don't have good intentions. Those guys who comment on every picture about how beautiful you are? They aren't nice. Stay away from them. And stay away from the duckface pictures and constant selfies - they scream, "LOOK AT ME!" and make you an easy target for low self-esteem and creeps.
5. Respect your decision to be a Christian. Christian means to be "like Christ." As cliche as this sounds, would you send that Snap to Jesus? Probably not. So don't send it to cute boy on the corner.
6. Respect yourself. Period. Choose clothing and pictures that reflect that you value yourself so much that you refuse to be on display for hungry eyes.
Am I suggesting that you should wear turtlenecks and ankle length skirts? No, absolutely not (although Your Daddy may find this to be a good idea). But you should be so careful about your clothing choices. Put a sweater on over your dress. Make sure your skirt length is appropriate standing and sitting. Check the gap in the back of your jeans when you sit down. Choose shorts that still cover everything if you sit cross legged on the ground. Leggings are not always the answer to a short skirt or top if we can still see your behind. If you are unsure of something, ask someone you trust - me, Your Daddy (again - he may not be the best help), a good girlfriend that has the same values in modesty.
And good gracious, if you have to keep tugging at it to stay in place, it doesn't fit and you should throw it away. The size number on the tag does not matter - the fit does.
And JP? My gorgeous boy who will grow into being a visual creature, as most men are. If a girl doesn't follow these guidelines, you don't want her. Because she doesn't respect herself, she doesn't respect you, and she doesn't respect your commitment to being a man of faith. Women have a jezebel power over men that dates back to the beginning of time. Don't succumb to that power. Stand strong and wait for the woman who wants to give you all the respect you deserve. Guard your mind against these visual temptations so that you can guard your heart.
We will more than likely argue about this several times when you get older. But I hope that the expectation that we set from your early life will carry over to your teenage years, and it lessens the arguing. I also hope that you see what we are doing here - it's not to be overprotective or controlling. It's to teach you the importance of modesty as it relates to your whole life - yourself, your marriage, your friends, your image, and your representation of Christ.
So put a sweater on. There are three in your closet already.
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